so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
