My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
