Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
