Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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