I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
