Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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