My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i think im in europe. pls send help
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
