Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
