pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
