I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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