I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
