hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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