He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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