Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have tasted many bathrooms
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
