Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
