does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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