It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize