I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
