if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
