my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
