Yo dont text me then not text me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
