I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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