gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
