did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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