it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
