I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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