when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
