just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
