I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
