You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
