idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
