Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
