I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
