Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
