I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want nice things and good sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
