Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
