They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
