Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
