Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize