we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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