I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
