oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
