I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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