you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
