paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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