I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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