____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
