And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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