I seem to have left my pride at pride
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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