Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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