i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
