so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
