she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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