I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
