we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
