Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
