I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
