I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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