But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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