how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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