she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
