i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You've changed since you got that strap on
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