They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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