Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
