I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
