Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
