Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
