I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
