Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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